I was asked to write something to describe Pregnancy After Loss (P.A.L.)

earlybirdnow:

Here it is:

Being pregnant after multiple miscarriages, I’ve discovered, is an experience all its own. It’s a vastly different feeling (I believe) than being pregnant for the very first time, or being pregnant when you’ve never experienced the blow of loss. And we mothers and fathers who have walked this road know you may not understand, and that’s okay. It’s a road we wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Be patient with us, as we struggle to be patient with ourselves. We don’t have answers for your questions yet. You know the ones. “Have you thought of names?” “Are you going to find out the gender?” “How are you going to decorate the nursery?” “Are you excited?” “Have you bought any baby clothes yet?”

Instead of hoping for a boy, or hoping for a girl, we’re hoping for the next heartbeat. The baby aisle at Target has been a source of pain for us for so long, so we haven’t had the courage to visit it yet. We lost our “innocence” long ago, so we aren’t going to be the kind of giddy excited you want us to be. It’s not negativity, and it’s not because we aren’t happy and grateful for the new life being formed within us. It’s just that we only know what it’s like to see the still, silent form on the sonogram. To feel the sudden, excruciating pain of our babies leaving. To have to figure out a way to tell our families that it’s happened again.

Our prayers have become, sometimes, nothing more than, “Just keep this one alive. Please don’t let this one die.”

We’re scared, we’re nervous, and we’re probably confused by what we’re feeling. After all, we wouldn’t be pregnant now if our last baby hadn’t died. So we may feel a little guilty too. Maybe most of all, we feel like we won’t be able to take a nice, deep breath until we actually hold our babies for the first time and know they’re safe and healthy and real.

If you feel helpless, that’s okay. We do, too. The best thing you can do for us is help us hope. 

(via earlybirdnow-deactivated2018041)

Just read this on a friends facebook page… it is amazing.. take a minute to read it please

shatteredmyself:

I wish people could understand… losing a child is like losing a body part but no one can see it. Let me explain like this..
It’s like you lost a leg but no one see’s it is missing and they all just expect you to keep on walking and running the same as before but you CAN’T because it’s gone and even if you get a prosthetic leg it will never be the same. You can go out and walk around with the prosthetic sure, maybe even run although you fill it rub at times and you know it’s different but you can still go on… but at the end of the day when you go home and go to bed.. it’s still gone… you can’t replace it.. and you still get those phantom pains or phantom itches and nothing you do will fix it because your leg is gone… and you can’t get it back..

Dear mr hallmark from heaven

cyllerella:

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I’ll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.

Happy Mothers Day,

fine-imperfection:

To the mothers who lost their babies too soon.

We’re a strong bunch 💕👼🏽

(via fine-imperfection-deactivated20)

justthebabymama:

I can’t stop thinking about the baby. It hurts so much. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I can’t pass the baby section in a store or see pictures of pregnant women and babies without feeling jealous. I feel like it’s wrong for me to feel the way that I do but I can’t control it. I just want my baby back inside of me. I want the 9 months of being pregnant that I was supposed to have. I want to hear my baby cry. I want to be woken up in the middle of the night for feedings and diaper changes. I want to feel okay again. My heart feels shattered.